Issue date: 11/10/09 Section: Stranded

Just look at it, acting all innocent as it schemes...those evil, creepy rodents. Photo: Alex_bates_photography / Flickr

To whom it may concern,

I am writing this letter to bring to the attention of the general public a lurking menace of the worst variety that lurks in the vicinity of Victoria University. Earlier this morning a squirrel was found rummaging through the Emmanuel College Library book return receptacle. When it found its way into that den of knowledge it proceeded to purposefully and systematically rip apart pages and pages of precious discourse. As if that wasn't bad enough, the beast appeared to show a particularly vicious appetite for Jewish literature!

To think that in an age that sees anti-Semitism as a pretty bad idea there exists such a ferocious, abominable creature as this! Inconceivable! It is appalling that a squirrel, a friend of children and the elderly alike, could have committed such an inherently racist act. Unforgivable. Unforgettable. Disgraceful.

I disagree very strongly with the idea of discrimination based on difference of any kind. Having said that, I propose we band together to sniff out the vicious little bastard. And why stop there? We will trap, we will persecute, we will have justice for all the wrongs the squirrels have committed through the course of history. We'll get them all when they least expect it, those despicable rodents. Those oversized, despicable, ugly, disgusting, nut-hoarding, big-toothed, scratching, noisy, scurrying little… BURN! BURN!! BURN!!! THEM ALL!!!! I HATE THEM SQUIRRELS!!!!11 THEY RUINED MY PUTTING GREEN LAST FALL, GOD DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!!!!!!

Yours truly,

Prof. J.J. Frabbajab, etc.

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools