Issue date: 3/26/09 Section: Stranded

April Fools edition: Which joke is right for you?

AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18) Change your friend's desktop to have an indelible folder called "Horse Porn" or something of the sort. Interested in how? Here's my four-easy-steps method: 1) Create said folder. 2) Take a screenshot of the desktop. 3) Delete said folder. 4) Set the screenshot as the background. Et voila! Fait accompli! (It's French for 'mission accomplished!').

PISCES (February 19 -March 20) Embarrass a friend by sending a note from them to a young TA professing undying love. It's best to do it at the start of a tutorial and to pass it up through peers. That way, no one can be sure exactly who sent it. Print very legibly. Sit back and watch the drama unfold!

ARIES (March 21 -April 19) Bake two cakes. It's not difficult - really, the instructions are online. Just Google it. That being said, take pictures of you inserting some sort of very unappetizing "secret sauce" into the first cake. Discard said cake. Bake another cake, identical to the first but without the secret sauce. Place the aforementioned photos under the second cake, so they'll only be discovered after the cake is eaten. Now, profit.

TAURUS (April 20 -May 20) Replace your roommate's KY "yours and mine" bottle contents with glue. Preferably a transparent glue. Or just use gel - it'll pass the first inspection and the touch-test. Then await the inevitable lawsuit which follows, claiming that "great sensation for him, amazing sensation for her" is flagrant false advertising. Oh well. They do claim love hurts, don't they?

GEMINI (May 21 -June 20 )Place a bet that you can make a roommate cry with only three words. How? False lotto tickets. Make sure you do this when you know your roommate is in a time of significant financial difficulty. Prep this by conversation the previous day about how fortunate one would be to win the lottery, and then present them with the ticket. After they're ecstatic about having won, utter your well prepared speech: "Just kidding." Have a video camera ready in case your betting partner cries foul.

CANCER (June 21 -July 22) Although it's been done many times before, swapping the labels on Preparation H and toothpaste is a classic! Let your friend know during lunch in a crowded cafeteria, preferably, as it'll be a memory of a day that you'll cherish forever, and which you (not your friend) will want to share with as many people as possible. Remember the rule of thumb for stories: the more people who know, the better.

LEO (July 23 -August 22)This one requires a truly devious mind, and a friend who is terribly fond of cologne or perfume, and who insists on spraying it on profusely before they go out. The key is to get your hands on some CHCl3 and replace their perfume with it. For those of you with a chemistry background, you are no doubt chuckling as you read this. For you others out there, I mean chloroform. It makes you pass out. Endless fun awaits!

VIRGO (August 23 -September 22) Place a hidden speaker in a friend's dorm which is activated by a keyword, for example, their name. It's not difficult. It's basically like one of those clappers, just with a different activation signal. Make it moan at the sound of their name. Within a week, you'll have them thinking their dorm is haunted, and the ghost is out to get them.

LIBRA (September 23 -October 22) Re-route the telephone board through a roommate's phone (this only works if they're in residence). While it may not cause them to be freaked out, it will definitely annoy them to no end, especially when they're getting calls from "maintenance" at two AM the night before a final because the boiler broke down and the plumbing in the building is backed up.

SCORPIO (October 23 -November 21) Sneak in to your friend's room and move his alarm back by three hours. Repeat for 2 days, pause for 3, and then start again. Convince him it's because the clock is made by a Japanese company. Do the same for the next clock as well. While this may not result in any permanent damage, it will at least ensure that your friend never buys a Japanese alarm clock ever again.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 -December 21) Soak their pillow in water. Place it under the covers. Take your friend out for a late night. And I mean really late. Make them very tired. So tired, that when they come home, they don't bother to check to see if their bed is soaked or not. Show them to their room and wait outside. Bonus points if the scream wakes up the neighbors.

CAPRICORN (December 22 -January 19) Roadkill. Roadkill in the sheets. Nothing says "April Fools!" like slipping into bed with a deceased skunk rubbing against your thigh. Make sure it looks like a stuffed animal that usually occupies the bed. Or, rather, previously "looked" like.

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