Issue date: 9/1/08 Section: Opinions

Sadly, no one will believe that you're a 25-year-old Hawaiin organ donor.

Coming into frosh week, students often lose sight of what is really going on. Thus, I have graciously created a list of goals to keep your prepubescent head on straight. After all, here at the Strand, we want you to succeed.

Goal #1: Do not get into the habit of missing classes. This is a very sincere and serious goal. For you keeners such a goal may seem as childish as some of the frosh activities, but I assure you that when you discover the potential of DC++ you will think differently.

Goal #1.5: *This goal only applies to those who like to waste countless hours watching mind-numbing television. Ask anyone who is someone (which is to say, is a human being) on how to acquire the DC.

Goal #2: Do not turn into a pompous University of Toronto snob. Yes, with U of T's prestigious reputation and vine-covered buildings it will be difficult to hold back from the highly attractive snobbery; however, it is not worth it. Why? The answer is simple: going to U of T does not make you better than any other university student…it just makes you hold a better degree at the end. Ha!

Goal #3: Write for the Strand.

Goal #4: Do not allow yourself to be drunk two days of the week for an entire school year-give or take a few weeks. You will wake up one morning and genuinely realize that you are more than capable of consuming half a forty of whiskey in a span of an hour and a half, and are still able to function well enough to make an ass of yourself. Trust me, Chris Berube told me all about that feeling.

Goal #5: Get involved or you will regret your decision to come here. Seriously.

Goal #6: Get to know as many people as possible. Learn to network, and not only via Facebook.

Goal #7: Take time to figure out the opinions that you hold, and then put them under a precise, surgeon-like analysis. No one likes a bumbler.

Goal #8: Fall in love with someone or something.

Goal #9: Be wary of the strategically placed McDonald's on Yonge and on Bloor. Consuming that food coupled with the Victoria meal plan will surely lead to pain, a tattered soul, obesity and possibly death.

Goal #10: Don't waste your money on a $50 fake I.D. that says you are from an obscure state like Delaware. It is not worth it. Besides, everyone knows the best place to engage in underage drinking is in residence! But if you must buy it, don't go to the Duke of G.

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