Livin' on the Edge
Meet Canada's fringe political parties and the ideas that keep them from gaining a majority vote...or a vote at all
By Compiled by Stranded's well-funded research team
Issue date: 1/19/06 Section: Stranded
Western Block Party
They want to separate entirely from Canada and create an independent state out of Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and British Columbia. They also don't like the whole "French and English" thing.
Summary: Why do these people exist?
Marxist-Leninist Party
They are dedicated to the exhumation and resurrection of the bodies of Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin. OK, so I didn't actually do much research on these guys, but they seem like nice, polite people who simply adore the ideas presented by Marx and Lenin, and that's not so bad. Nothing horrible ever took place in the name of Marx's or Lenin's ideals, especially in temperate, northern states with a huge landmass, long shoreline and low population per square kilometer. So what harm could they do to Canada?
Summary: Hands up. Who here has actually read the Communist Manifesto?
Marijuana Party
These guys are your basic single issue party. The difference? They tend to forget what that issue is. Their goal is to legalize marijuana, arguing that it is virtually as harmless as other legal drugs, if not less harmful, that much violent crime can be attributed to the underground pot industry and that many fiscal problems can be remedied by legalizing marijuana and promptly levying a tax on the drug. The party's problem? Too much of their funding is spent on pizza and trips to 7-11.
Summary: Their platform is too narrow to ever elect an MP, but their parties are amazing! Man, I was flying for, like, three days straight! Really good brownies.
Communist Party
I'm getting déjà vu. How are these guys different from the Marxist-Leninist Party?
Summary: Fuse your parties and their dozens of votes and you'll get a few hundred votes. OK, almost a hundred, but still an improvement.
Christian Heritage Party
Solving our nation's moral decay by ensuring that our government follows the words of the Christian deity, and by making sure that gays or other "sexually aberrant individuals" should not be given special consideration, or even any consideration at all because they contribute to the ole' societal MD (moral decay). OK, guys, this is getting a bit tiresome. We've all heard this before. Others have tried and it didn't take. Society's doing alright and people appreciate diversity of faith and equal rights.
They want to separate entirely from Canada and create an independent state out of Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and British Columbia. They also don't like the whole "French and English" thing.
Summary: Why do these people exist?
Marxist-Leninist Party
They are dedicated to the exhumation and resurrection of the bodies of Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin. OK, so I didn't actually do much research on these guys, but they seem like nice, polite people who simply adore the ideas presented by Marx and Lenin, and that's not so bad. Nothing horrible ever took place in the name of Marx's or Lenin's ideals, especially in temperate, northern states with a huge landmass, long shoreline and low population per square kilometer. So what harm could they do to Canada?
Summary: Hands up. Who here has actually read the Communist Manifesto?
Marijuana Party
These guys are your basic single issue party. The difference? They tend to forget what that issue is. Their goal is to legalize marijuana, arguing that it is virtually as harmless as other legal drugs, if not less harmful, that much violent crime can be attributed to the underground pot industry and that many fiscal problems can be remedied by legalizing marijuana and promptly levying a tax on the drug. The party's problem? Too much of their funding is spent on pizza and trips to 7-11.
Summary: Their platform is too narrow to ever elect an MP, but their parties are amazing! Man, I was flying for, like, three days straight! Really good brownies.
Communist Party
I'm getting déjà vu. How are these guys different from the Marxist-Leninist Party?
Summary: Fuse your parties and their dozens of votes and you'll get a few hundred votes. OK, almost a hundred, but still an improvement.
Christian Heritage Party
Solving our nation's moral decay by ensuring that our government follows the words of the Christian deity, and by making sure that gays or other "sexually aberrant individuals" should not be given special consideration, or even any consideration at all because they contribute to the ole' societal MD (moral decay). OK, guys, this is getting a bit tiresome. We've all heard this before. Others have tried and it didn't take. Society's doing alright and people appreciate diversity of faith and equal rights.
