Issue date: 11/17/05 Section: Stranded

Stranded Wine Collective hard at work. This time we reviewed an enchanting 2002 Pinot Noire and a less-than-perfect 2003 Chardonnay and mayhem ensued, though here, The Collective leader is seen taking a break for a beer.

Here we have the inaugural installment of The Strand wine review. The first wine being tasted this evening is Cannonau Di Sardegna Riserva 2002. I've got no clue what that means but there's hardly any English on the label so it's got to be good.

This delicacy can be found at the LCBO for an outlandish $15.95. To get the mood just right, The Stranded Wine Collective (me) went to Gabe's house for video games and two week old Halloween candy.

As the first glass is poured we observe the colour of the wine. It's red, that's a good sign considering it's a Pinot Noire. At first, the aroma was much too barnyardy for the price paid, but I then realized that it was I who smelled of the barnyard.

So then the 'tasting' began. A dull bitter taste filled my mouth making it increasingly difficult to control Yoshi through the fast turns of Donkey Kong's racetrack. However after letting it sit, and watching Bowser run me down after a lightning bolt was shot, I couldn't help but notice the wonderful fruity taste left in my mouth after emptying the glass.The bouquet left a bit to be desired, though, as I found it to be insufficiently oaky.

However, it seemed to appeal extremely well to cats, as two of the resident felines dipped their tongues into my glass several times while I was distracted by flashing lights and shiny metal objects. The cats began taking runs at my ankles, sinking their teeth into my soft flesh and quickly darting off and out of my reach. This went on for about twenty minutes and then the cats started to get groggy. They fell over tangled together and slept the rest of the night. I couldn't tell if this was from the wine or because they're cats.

Apparently we had to down a shot of whiskey after every glass. Damn this editor's got some tough rules. The second and third glasses tasted significantly better and went down real smooth. This selection keeps getting better. The whiskey, however, still tasted like a litterbox.

Onto the fourth glass where I realised Cheetos will never be a compliment to any wine. My steadily decreasing motor skills bred a lack of control of the D-pad, which led Ken to be defeated by the lousy E. Honda. I have brought shame to Street Fighter 2, which deteriorates my appreciation of this wine and Cheetos.

Continued...

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